What The?: Solange ROCs Jay-Z

As this has been my longest hiatus to date, let me first begin this post with a heartfelt, two-count apology:

1.  Firstly of course, for not being able to condense all my life’s activities into the same 24 hours that God has afforded Oprah, Malala Yousafzai and Kim Kardashian.

2. For climbing out of dormancy to bring you all this bit of breaking tomfoolery.  My husband told me that if I was going to publish this post, I should at least admit that while I do strive to advance myself spiritually, socially and through modes of learning and higher education, the God’s honest truth is that while not completely absorbed by foolishness and absurdity, I do on occasion let the clutches of ratchetness envelop my soul…a tiny little bit (for which I intend to begin my penance shortly).

Now, in the ever-so-clever words of Mobb Deep, “there’s a war going on outside, no man is safe from…” 

Unfortunately, while Prodigy and Havoc were undoubtedly pontificating about their daily struggles on the mean streets of Queensbridge in the mid 90’s, they obviously didn’t realize that in just two short decades, that war would pale in comparison to the one that people regularly fight through the medium of social media and the internet; a war in which NO ONE is spared. Apparently, this has been made all the more evident by TMZ’s recently released “surveillance” video shot (and sold by some dummy who will obviously no longer be gainfully employed) of music royalty, The Carters and Solange Knowles while on an elevator at the Standard Hotel after last week’s Met Gala in New York.  Now, I won’t pretend to know what set off Solange’s mollywop trigger (however, any person with even a rudimentary understanding of addition coupled with a little cause and effect could most likely surmise accurately on the matter…I’m just saying), but as shown in the video, your girl attempts to put in WORK on her brother in-law, while still glammed out in her coral Philip Lim cocktail dress and never askew wig!!

But for me, what was even more bizarre was the fact that although styled, tucked and taped to perfection in her peakaboo Givenchy gown, King Bey made no real effort to intervene or mediate the fracas between her sister nor her husband.  Jay was bobbing and weaving, Solange was throwing up her set, her purse and a karate kick and Beyonce stood silently, lest she crease the organza of her gown.  Seriously, it was almost as if her Ambien-Xanax cocktail chose just that moment to kick in.

I’d be lying however if I didn’t say I was impressed with Jay-Z’s restraint.  If not for his wisdom (or the constraints of arthritic knees, who knows?), the publicity surrounding this melee could have taken a much uglier turn.

So, what say ye?  Should Beyonce have attempted to settle things between her sibling and her spouse?  And, what in the world could have possibly occurred to make Solange behave in such a frenzied manner?  But most importantly, will the Carters add Solange to the line-up now and rename their tour “Family Affair”???  I imagine we will ALL be staying tuned for this one!

Sign of the Apocalypse: Drake and Breezy Fight over Rihanna (GASP)

Did I say Apocalypse?  Obviously I mis-typed.  What the title of this post should have read was: Signs That I’ll Be Taking an Apocalyptic Style Nap Due to The Yawn-Worthy Gossip That Drake and Breezy engaged in fisticuffs.

Apparently said melee transpired after Drake allegedly minced no words (via a note…yep, real gangsta) about his status with Brown’s ex, Rihanna.  Now, I have no plans to sully this blog any further with a bunch of hearsay and blather so feel free to get the supposed details about this boy brawl here, here and here.

I will however close by asking if I’m the only one who saw this coming???  As far as striving for inspiration as an entertainer, I say mix creative juices with whomever you want, but c’mon.  Drake’s cameos in RiRi’s videos, their innuendo induced performances and then her recent Birthday Cake collabo with Chris all made for a very intricately volatile situation…A situation where it seems that people have caught feelings and/or never lost feelings; so much so that now folks are nicknaming Drake the Evelyn Lozada of Hip-Pop and Pretty Boy Brown is having glass cleaned out of an open wound.

I know, I know.  This is a tragic and upsetting time for all the #TeamDrake and #TeamBreezy shrieking tweens out there, but understand that this is not BREAKING NEWS as Russ Parr or TMZ have lead you to believe.  Somebody wake me up when news breaks  that one of these overexposed celebrities donates half their fortune to something newsworthy like the Clean Water Project or the End Auto-Tune Initiative.  Until then, *yawn*.

Today In Black History: My Braxton’s Ban

As short as the month already is, shame on me for just now wishing each of you a Happy Black History Month.  I am sure though, that as astute learners and commemoratively minded individuals that I know each of you to be, that you have already been celebrating this month in Black/American History in profound ways (like your box office support of Red Tails, your many visits to the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial on The Mall, your assistance in helping all the little children at your church to learn their Black History Speeches, and of course, your ticket purchases for the New Edition Reunion Tour).

I too, have been making strides in Black History.  Namely, my self-imposed ban on the WETV reality show sensation, The Braxton’s Family Values.  Why you ask?  Well, because when I start getting mouthy with inanimate objects, it’s time to reevaluate and cut off negative influences.

See, what had happened was…Going home from the grocery store last night, I proceeded to place my purchase on my kitchen counter.  Unfortunately, in mid hoist, one of my grocery sacks broke, spilling the contents of my purchases on my floor (several jars of spaghetti sauce).  Looking down at the floor where my purchases lay, I opened my mouth in angry frustration and uttered:

“You better Get Yo’ Life!” at the marinara sauce.

Um, yeah.  The revelation came soon after that not only was Tamar’s influence not what I wanted for my life, but that I probably needed to brush up on my W.E.B. Dubois and Booker T. Washington readings before my “practicing intellectual” card ended up confiscated.

The Winners and Losers of the 2011-2012 NBA Season

It’s funny because as my honey and I sat around the television in total gluttonous-mode watching an overabundance of both NFL and NCAA football for the past three days, I asked him what exactly we were going to do to get our daily sports allowance on Christmas Day with the NBA Lockout still in full swing.  Licking his gravy stained fingers, he looked at me and promised that the players and owners would come to a resolution well in advance of the holidays, just in time to reinstate my annual Christmas Day Laker hatin’.

Taking that bet, I told my honey that he was crazy to think that the NBA players would agree to any sort of amended terms that the owners presented this late in the season after the way they had been treating them more like serfs than partners.  But wouldn’t you know it, today after 15 hours of talks and in true acquiescence, the players reached a deal with the owners for the NBA Season to begin on Christmas Day.

So thank you David Stern, Derek Fisher and ‘dem.  Due to your indecisiveness, hemming and hawing and extended vacation days, I now have to honor my wager with the honey, and will be hand washing his delicates, massaging his back and detailing his leather interior for two whole weeks!

NOT winning!

Let’s Take a Twirl Around Herman’s Foggy Head

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The only thing that could have made this answer better was if it had happened during one of the many Republican Presidential Debates that have been oh so entertaining over these past few months!

Agreeing to meet with reporters from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel earlier this week before one of several fundraising excursions in Wisconsin, Herman Cain gave the contingent his nonsensical perspective on what exactly he knew about the economy, collective bargaining and that great political equalizer, Foreign Policy.

Now, while I do understand the need for Cain to be careful in selecting his words and conveying his thoughts (less he end up a Morning or Late Show sound bite…wait…never mind), what Cain was doing in this interview was not carefully considering his verbiage, but instead having an “Oh –ish” moment where he had no clue how to answer the question at all.

But instead of asking for a lifeline or simply admitting to being a mere mortal like the rest of us (well, after about 4 minutes of hemming and hawing, he sort of does), Cain decided that Jedi mind tricks were the way to go.  I mean really, how could Herman go wrong by asking the interviewer to confirm that what he thought he knew was in fact correct before he proceeded to explain why he would do a better job than Obama in Libya without really knowing what Obama’s stance on Libya was in the first place? *takes deep breath*

Seriously though, as painful as the majority of this interview was to watch, I didn’t feel the least bit sorry for Herman Cain.  What I have come to notice with a great many of the GOP candidates for President is that they have a lot of fiery rhetoric to get the base clamoring behind their campaigns, but after peeling away the fervent speeches, singular philosophy and oversold images, there seems very little substance from which to truly gauge these men (and woman).

But hey, between Bachmann’s HPV flub, Perry’s 2 out of 3 Government Agency disbanding and now Cain saying a lot of nothing, I can’t help but anticipate some pretty epic miscues from the rest.

I’m quite sure Barry can’t either.

Praise Break: More “Noise” Than Joyful

When we were young, my sister and I used to always get our legs popped or the stank-eye from my mother when we found ourselves laughing at our fellow church goers when they were wildly slain in the spirit or singing hymns rather…uh, unfortunately.  After church, mommy would guilt us the whole way home over how disrespectful we were being when Sis. So-&-So was praising God and we were yucking it up, but my sissy and I would always wonder how she could be upset with us, when it was Sis. So-&-So who was attention seeking in church (because if I’m honest, we weren’t convinced then that the spirit was actually on her anyway).

As a church going adult however, I have learned that “praise” comes in all shapes, sizes, sounds and displays.  I’ve even learned that in order to keep the rocks from crying out on our behalf, it is good when we lift our voices to praise God, even when some of our voices don’t necessarily need to be lifted.

That is why I am so torn in watching these two videos.  I mean, it’s great that Keyshia Coles was in church and lifting her voice on Easter Sunday a few years ago, but I swear, she took Psalm 100 a bit too literally if you ask me!  In fairness, I realize that she has likely spent more time in a secular atmosphere than in one of “worship”, but as a singer, I still expected better (at least giving the pianist some sort of notice before her complete song remix and multiple key changes).

That is why I also attached the second video.  KeKe Wyatt demonstrated that you don’t necessarily have to be have your Easter finery on or even be in church to sing unto the Lord.  She also exemplified an extremely joyful noise…one that had me cyber shoutin’ all over this laptop keyboard!

Lions and Tigers and Bears…Ohio!?

Imagine waking up to reports that your children’s schools have been closed for the day and your employer has urged that you stay home, and there isn’t even a single snowflake in sight or any inclement weather on the horizon.  Imagine still, that these precautions have been taken due not to a community woosah day, but because exotic wild animals are on the loose in your neighborhood!

Well, for the folks in rural Zanesville, Ohio this wasn’t a hypothetical situation at all, as many rose with the sun to news that wild animals had broken free from their cages last night on a Muskingum County wild animal preserve where, once authorities arrived on the scene, found the zoo owner Terry Thompson dead.  Further investigating found that the animals’ cages had been opened, and the preserves external fences were unsecure; a detail that had many morning show reports this a.m. speculating on what actually happened and what caused Thompson’s death at the site.

Of the 48 Lions, leopards, cheetahs, black bears, grizzly bears, mountain lions and wolves (to name a few) that had escaped the privately owned zoo about 55 miles east of Columbus, close to 25 had been shot and killed Tuesday evening.  CNN interviewed legendary animal expert and the Columbus Zoo’s director emeritus Jack Hanna, who was asked to assist authorities in hunting and retrieving the animals, and he expressed remorse that so many animals had to be put down, but reiterated that in a scenario when escaped animals absconded into populated areas, human life had to be the priority.

But for as movie-ready as this unbelievable scenario has seemed, many neighbors who live near the preserve have not been surprised by the escape.  In 2006, it was reported that a lion had gotten loose from the small zoo, and over the years, many neighbors have called authorities complaining of hearing roaring and other deafening animal noises throughout the night.  Still, more than just the nuisance of living so close to such a bizarre place, neighbors said they have always been cautious and worried because although Thompson lived on the premises, he stayed in legal trouble regularly, due to his animal permits and the creatures getting out of their manufactured habitats all of the time.

Now, I will be the first to admit to being an avid fan zoos, Animal Planet and most things beastly (from afar of course), but the idea of having my very own Wizard of Oz scenario unfold right in my back yard would have me in complete and utter Cowardly Lion mode!

I mean, it’s clear that privately owning such a multitude of wild animals the way that Thompson did is legal in Ohio and many other states across the country, but when owners have been cited numerous times and proper precautions fail to be taken in caring for these animals (whose natural habitats are NOT somebody’s modified farm), perhaps the regulations surrounding the private ownership of such dangerous beasts should be revised and reinforced before the unthinkable were to happen; oh, wait…

Thanks to Ray J, Kevin Hart’s Next Stand-Up is Going to Be a Classic!

By now we’ve all heard (or read the transcript of) Ray J’s fake-me-out thug rant about rapper Fabolous. Apparently, Brandy’s little brother took exception to being laughed at singing and playing the piano in Floyd Mayweather’s living room during a 24-hour concert he hosted before his underwhelming, overpriced boxing match last weekend in Vegas.

Long story short (sorry folks, I fear that Ray J’s verbal diarrhea might be contagious, so you won’t find it here) after likely marinating on Fabolous’ teasing of him and his lameness, and his entourage hyping him up not to be insulted, Willie Norwood , Jr. had one of the most epic, deplorable and embarrassing (for mankind in general) meltdowns, as aired by New Yorks, 105.1’s “The Breakfast Club”.

What was most funny (read: painful and unfortunate) was the fact that after Ray J finished his tirade about how he doesn’t tolerate *expletive* disrespect from *expletives* and how insignificant a music artist Fabolous was in comparison to he, Ray proceeded to boast pretentiously about his worldly goods, his “money team” membership and his nefarious relationship with goons who take indecent and illegal liberties with unsuspecting men.

In Fabolous’ later response, he pretty much refuted Ray J’s whimsical flights of fancy, but not before confirming a few similarities. Like the fact that Kevin Hart (and a few other celebrities) were present for the fake fisticuffs and would attest to the non-main-event.

And it is for that one reason that for the next 24 hours I plan to follow Kevin and historically explore his tweets from Saturday Night.  It’s like the material for his next stand-up pretty much just wrote itself!!!!

DWTS Season 13: I Might Actually Watch an Episode or Two

Actors, Reality Show Stars, Talk Show Hosts and Athletes.  Seems like the perfunctory amalgamation of contestants for yet another season of Dancing with the Stars, right?  I’d certainly say so, except that in the case of the Season 13 cast, many of them have had a rather high-profile year, making the show a likely high ratings contender.

Take for instance the women’s World Cup darling, Hope Solo.  Although she and Team USA couldn’t quite get past Japan to take home the title, her athleticism, won’t-quit attitude and obvious beauty earned her a slew of fans; both soccer savvy and oblivious alike.  I imagine those same fans will swarm to the phones on her behalf.

Then there is Nancy Grace.  The in-your-face legal beagle got a lot of face time this year as she covered the Casey Anthony trial (and basically convicted and condemned the woman as well).  I don’t know how all that attention will translate on the show, or if the instigator is even able to Viennese Waltz, but if nothing more, I am sure she will be good for a giggle or two.

Now if I’m honest, I am most interested in seeing Ron Artest compete. And no, not because like his athletic predecessors, he faces pretty favorable odds at claiming the Mirror Ball Trophy by the show’s conclusion.  Actually, I am (ashamedly) looking forward to Ron’s admitted nuttiness, his sharp tongue, whether or not he will thank his therapist for her encouragement on his Foxtrot and if Tom Bergeron & company will address him as Metta World Peace all season.

But in this sea of twelve, there are sure to be some other early stand-outs as well as fan favorites:

The Reality Stars: Kristin Cavallari, Robert Kardashian and Carson Kressley (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy)

The Actors: David Arquette, Elisabetta Canalis, Ricki Lake (Actor turned Talk Show Sensation) and Chynna Phillips (Actor turned chart topping musician)

The Activists/Motivators: Chaz Bono (LGBT rights advocate) and J.R. Martinez (Injured Iraq War Veteran slash motivational speaker slash “All My Children” cast mate).

With this collection of spotlight grabbers, good guys, feel good stories, nostalgia evokers, famous for no reason and “what were they thinking” participants, I suspect that this will be a big season for DWTS.  And I’m all in this go ‘round…at least until Bruno makes an uncomfortable reference to one of the contestants Paso Doble execution and the physical act of child bearing.

GOP Debates: Like a WWE Cage Match, But Better

 

Let me just preface my impending silliness by first saying that regardless of political preference, I believe it is important that everyone, but especially those with a voice (vote) follow all of the presidential debates and candidates. I mean really; how can one make an informed decision about who should lead and represent this nation without first knowing something about the various individuals who’d like to hold that coveted position from the Oval Office at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave?

Okay…my Public Service Announcement now out of the way, please turn your attentions to this clip from Monday Night’s Republican presidential debate.  Although I gave many of the candidates high marks in the Business Wear and Presidential Tie competitions, it was the WWE tag-team emulation by Michele Bachmann and Rick Satorum on Rick Perry that got my full attention.  Slamming Perry on his controversial mandate of the required HPV/Gardasil vaccination for young girls, Machine Gun Michele and Ricochet Rick took turns coming off the top rope on Pretty Boy Perry.

But it was Bachmann’s fleeting flash of brilliance in the form of a retort to Governor Perry’s feigned offense at Bachmann’s notion that he was all about pharmaceutical money, not saving lives when it came to the vaccines, that made my day and quite frankly, made Perry look less like a courageous but vanquished Luchador and more like the wobbly kneed, defeated opponent at the end of a game of Mortal Kombat. Finish Him!!!!!

*And on a totally unrelated note, Mitt Romney’s various constipated expressions and Ron Paul’s interest in whatever was on the floor next to his podium were equally as entertaining as Monday Night’s Main Event grudge match*

**Oh, oh…and per Governor Perry, Texas is “day in and day out, a place that protects life.”…You know, unless of course you have a scheduled execution date with the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.  Just saying**