Tag Archives: What the???

Today In Black History: My Braxton’s Ban

22 Feb

As short as the month already is, shame on me for just now wishing each of you a Happy Black History Month.  I am sure though, that as astute learners and commemoratively minded individuals that I know each of you to be, that you have already been celebrating this month in Black/American History in profound ways (like your box office support of Red Tails, your many visits to the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial on The Mall, your assistance in helping all the little children at your church to learn their Black History Speeches, and of course, your ticket purchases for the New Edition Reunion Tour).

I too, have been making strides in Black History.  Namely, my self-imposed ban on the WETV reality show sensation, The Braxton’s Family Values.  Why you ask?  Well, because when I start getting mouthy with inanimate objects, it’s time to reevaluate and cut off negative influences.

See, what had happened was…Going home from the grocery store last night, I proceeded to place my purchase on my kitchen counter.  Unfortunately, in mid hoist, one of my grocery sacks broke, spilling the contents of my purchases on my floor (several jars of spaghetti sauce).  Looking down at the floor where my purchases lay, I opened my mouth in angry frustration and uttered:

“You better Get Yo’ Life!” at the marinara sauce.

Um, yeah.  The revelation came soon after that not only was Tamar’s influence not what I wanted for my life, but that I probably needed to brush up on my W.E.B. Dubois and Booker T. Washington readings before my “practicing intellectual” card ended up confiscated.

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iCan’t Today.

21 Nov

Well folks, like a simp I’ve once again taken work home over the weekend and am also working through my day off.

*Sigh*

Somebody agree in prayer with me that a long lost, obscenely wealthy great aunt or uncle shows up in my life and decides they want to adopt me!

Jesus be a benefactor!

Lions and Tigers and Bears…Ohio!?

19 Oct

Imagine waking up to reports that your children’s schools have been closed for the day and your employer has urged that you stay home, and there isn’t even a single snowflake in sight or any inclement weather on the horizon.  Imagine still, that these precautions have been taken due not to a community woosah day, but because exotic wild animals are on the loose in your neighborhood!

Well, for the folks in rural Zanesville, Ohio this wasn’t a hypothetical situation at all, as many rose with the sun to news that wild animals had broken free from their cages last night on a Muskingum County wild animal preserve where, once authorities arrived on the scene, found the zoo owner Terry Thompson dead.  Further investigating found that the animals’ cages had been opened, and the preserves external fences were unsecure; a detail that had many morning show reports this a.m. speculating on what actually happened and what caused Thompson’s death at the site.

Of the 48 Lions, leopards, cheetahs, black bears, grizzly bears, mountain lions and wolves (to name a few) that had escaped the privately owned zoo about 55 miles east of Columbus, close to 25 had been shot and killed Tuesday evening.  CNN interviewed legendary animal expert and the Columbus Zoo’s director emeritus Jack Hanna, who was asked to assist authorities in hunting and retrieving the animals, and he expressed remorse that so many animals had to be put down, but reiterated that in a scenario when escaped animals absconded into populated areas, human life had to be the priority.

But for as movie-ready as this unbelievable scenario has seemed, many neighbors who live near the preserve have not been surprised by the escape.  In 2006, it was reported that a lion had gotten loose from the small zoo, and over the years, many neighbors have called authorities complaining of hearing roaring and other deafening animal noises throughout the night.  Still, more than just the nuisance of living so close to such a bizarre place, neighbors said they have always been cautious and worried because although Thompson lived on the premises, he stayed in legal trouble regularly, due to his animal permits and the creatures getting out of their manufactured habitats all of the time.

Now, I will be the first to admit to being an avid fan zoos, Animal Planet and most things beastly (from afar of course), but the idea of having my very own Wizard of Oz scenario unfold right in my back yard would have me in complete and utter Cowardly Lion mode!

I mean, it’s clear that privately owning such a multitude of wild animals the way that Thompson did is legal in Ohio and many other states across the country, but when owners have been cited numerous times and proper precautions fail to be taken in caring for these animals (whose natural habitats are NOT somebody’s modified farm), perhaps the regulations surrounding the private ownership of such dangerous beasts should be revised and reinforced before the unthinkable were to happen; oh, wait…

Babychild Chronicles: Get the Anti-Venom

27 Sep

I always find it amazing whenever I see my children’s personalities develop right before my eyes. Like today, when I came to the realization that my child’s imagination was greater than my will to work overtime.

Well into Day 2 of my “time and a half sure would be good right about now” take-home work session, the Babychild meandered into my den to determine exactly why he had not had my full and undivided attention in more than two hours.  But before he could engage me in a lengthy chat about his racing cars and The Backyardigans, I noticed some gnarly little marks on his neck.  When I asked him what happened, he looked at me rather dumfounded.  But it was when he ran down the hall to the bathroom mirror to see what I was talking about, that all hell broke loose.

 “Momm-ma! Momm-ma! Look at my owies!! I know what happened!”

I could already tell by his hyper declaration that this one was going to be a doozy, but I got up, headed to the bathroom and entertained his deduction.

 “A snake bit me…a snake with nun chucks!”

Stifling a snicker, I asked him what became of the snake.

 “He got snaked by another snake, and then I destroyed it with my karate moves!”

Silly me, surely I had to know that snakes were no match for Babychild martial arts.  Now there was the matter of the bites.

 “Ooooh. My neck really hurts momm-ma. But don’t worry. I think the brownies in the kitchen will make me feel all better.”

And just like that, my work was effectively put on hold this evening, as I had to administer medicine, of the confectionery variety to my little snake bite victim.

I swear, there is never a dull moment when it comes to The Babychild and his siblings! But maybe it’s these animated moments that are to be my salvation.  Perhaps I need to quit my job (with all of its after-hour work trappings) and pitch a Pack Kids reality series to TLC!

 

Tapped Out!

15 Sep

Sorry Fanny Pack Fam!  After disputing a traffic ticket, cancelling and rescheduling two meetings, getting caught in the rain and sitting through gnarly, weather slicked, bumper-to-bumper traffic today, I am all out of gas.

But hey, feel free to historically search some blog posts or simply chitchat amongst yourselves.  I’ll be luxuriating in a bubble bath while I co-wash my hair.

Deuces.

Boys Will Be Boys

29 Jul

Question:  What child eagerly bounces out of the house for a neighbor’s birthday party yet returns home 3 hours later with a busted forehead and a knot the size of a robin’s egg?

Answer:  The Big Boy

After the fun, festivities, cake, presents, piñatas, and so much candy and confections that I will be hand-delivering to my neighbors an invoice from the family dentist, my nephew walked through the front door, escorting my oldest son, who’s head was cocked all the way back.  When I asked them what was the matter, The Big Boy leaned forward and revealed a rather leaky injury.  Looking angrily from one boy to the other, my nephew finally raised his head skyward and told me to ask The Big Boy what happened.

“I bumped my head on a wall…” he said nonchalantly.

“…Diving for a balloon, TeeTee!” my nephew finished incredulously.

Apparently, to avoid remaining in “the middle”, my little monkey propelled himself and to tried to retrieve the key to his oppression.  Unfortunately, a wily living room wall snuck up on him and assaulted his forehead.  So thanks to my child’s daredevil antics, not only does his forehead require two stitches, but I will have to expedite shipping for his daily wear head gear.  Naw, I’m just kidding about the helmet, but I am seriously considering investing in a boy-sized protective bubble!

From The Hot Mess Files: Biebershop Quartet

9 Jun

 

iCant! iCant! iCant!

I heard this rather crude silliness on the radio this morning, and I now officially quit life (well, that almost was the case since I came close to wrecking my car from snickering so uncontrollably).

But seriously, blogging a response to, an explanation for or the rationale behind this latest cyber display of Bieber Fever would be doing these guys gals a total disservice.  Just view their tribute parody to the “Prince of Pop” at your leisure and draw your own conclusions!

…In the interest of his core fan base however, I highly doubt if Justin would consider allowing these doppelgangers to open for his next multi-city tour.

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