Revenge of The Nerd

It’s so funny for me to see old 80’s sitcoms that are now in syndication and wonder what ever became of the characters that I grew up watching (I’d like to take a moment to officially issue an All-Points Bulletin for Charmaine Brown, DJ Tanner and Lisa Turtle). 

This was the case a few years ago when that nasty little rumor about Jaleel White taking his own life made its rounds on the internet.  After going through the 5 Stages of Grief only to later “snopes” the story and discovered that it was false, I again took to the internet (you’d think I’d learn) to see what really became of Steve Urkel’s real-life persona.  Surprisingly, long gone were the suspenders, coke-bottle glasses and overall scrawniness.  The aesthetically challenged duckling with the unrequited feelings for Laura Winslow had indeed developed into a swan matured mallard.  White’s transformation of course made me very pleased, as I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for the socially awkward and tend to root emphatically for them, even if said underdog is a made up character with overly embellished geeky features.  But although White had clearly grown up and detached himself from his former character, it was his latest alleged thuggery that had me comparing his current and former selves while wondering, when in the world did Urkel get gully?

While it currently does not appear that charges against him will be pursued, it does seem that the dust has settled a bit on the latest “Men Behaving Badly: Hollywood Actors Edition” story involving White and his baby’s mother. 

According to several media outlets, the LAPD recently investigated claims made by Bridget Hardy that Jaleel White punched her in the breast (implant) while the two were driving down a Los Angeles freeway, and that he also slapped and pushed her into a toilet at their home.  White and his reps have maintained that the incident never happened and that the accusations were nothing more than a ploy by his daughter’s mother to sully his good name since they are currently engaged in heated custody issues.

The reality is however, that no one except the two parties involved can say with complete certainty what is true and what are lies, but the fact that the charges were dropped against White due to there not being enough evidence to pursue, as well as questions concerning Hardy’s credibility seem to have quelled any real media blitz over this story.  Still, for Jaleel White’s sake, I hope the allegations are untrue.  He has got to know that no matter how hard he tries to disassociate himself from Steve Urkel, the whole Mel-Gibson-Raging-Lunatic alternative is not the look that he ought to be going for.  And even though he’d be “off the hook” legally, the court of public opinion would still completely fricassee what was left of his career and discard the bones…Chris Brown, anyone?

…And They All Fall Down

A couple of weeks ago, I absolutely shuddered after having read a news story about Alecia Moore aka Pink falling into a barricade during her concert in Germany.  Yeah, I know what you are thinking: Performers fall all of the time.  And yes, while this is true, I think I was more concerned about her mishap because of the nature of the fall that she endured. 

Similar to her stunning performance of “Glitter In The Air” at this year’s Grammy Awards, Pink was performing her special brand of aerial ballet moments before crashing down into a steel barricade near the stage.  She was immediately rushed to the hospital, where on the way via ambulance she tweeted to her fans that not being properly secured into her harness led to the terrible fall.  Ultimately, she ended up suffering only minor bumps and bruises…and of course the embarrassment that only a fall on one’s head could provide.

 But fret not Pink, you are in esteemed company!  Many a high-profile performer has taken a humiliating tumble or two while entertaining the masses.  Granted, the masses have chuckled heartily at their missteps and misfortunes, but only because such a gaffe made them appear more attainable and human in their eyes.

So hold your head high, belt out your ballads and continue on with your aerial arabesques Pink, because nothing truly categorizes a singer as being “on top” than when everyone still talks about the stage dives they took.

 Case in point…

The Top 5 Best Falls In the Business

5.  Drake’s kick-stand knee giving out on him during his concert in Camden, NJ, followed by an entourage of no less than 25 guys helping him off stage.

4.  Jennifer Lopez’s American Music Awards comeback performance where she’s launched into the air by her dancers, only to miss her footing and fanny plant it!

3.  Steve Tyler “eating it” during a concert in South Dakota.

2.  Michelle Williams slipping on Kelly and Beyonce’s coattails during a live performance on BET’s 106 & Park (notice Bey’s apathetic expression).

1. And of course, Queen Bey’s (kismet-ic) hair-swinging somersault down a flight of stairs during the Orlando leg of her B’day Tour.

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Khlomar…and Kids?

It’s okay, you can admit it.  Whether your guilty pleasure is one of the many Kardashians reality wrecks or if like me, your eyes occasionally wander to the magazine rack “Head-lies” by the check-out counter, by now you have to be familiar with Khloe Kardashian and her recent (and overly exposed) marriage to L.A. Laker’s forward Lamar Odom. 

From the tabloid magazines and paparazzi photos to media interviews and Reality TV footage, clearly Khloe and Lamar have no qualms with all of their business being put “out there” for people to discuss and speculate about over popcorn and Coke Zero on a daily basis (or at least on Sundays at 10pm when E! airs their latest endeavors in love and marriage…alongside the customary Kardashian sibling dysfunction).  One such speculation of late has been, with all the frenzy in their lives, how the couple plans for Khloe to bond with Lamar’s kids.

Odom’s children Destiny and Lamar, Jr from a previous relationship, haven’t been seen in very many media moments involving the new couple, but according to people close to Khloe, all of that is about to change.  Apparently, she has been working behind the scenes (as reported in OK! Magazine) to have the kiddies appear in her reality series next season.  The ultimate decision of course (thankfully) will hinge upon the decision of the children’s mother, Liza Morales with whom the children spend the majority of their time.

Now, I am not suggesting that Khloe not be actively involved in the lives of her step-children, but I do wonder how healthy cultivating a lasting relationship with them alongside all the distractions, chaos and utter foolishness associated with reality television would be?  If anything, I’d think that Khlomar would want to protect the kids from such blatant intrusions in their private lives, especially with both children being in the developing stages of adolescence.

I suppose we will just have to keep our eyes and ears open for this developing situation.  Perhaps Lamar’s admittedly insane candy addiction and Khloe’s tendency to “pants” her sisters in public will be enough to give Liza pause on this one.

What do you think?  Would the addition of Lamar Odom’s children to the cast of a Kardashian series help foster a better relationship with them and their step-mom or simply provide a network ratings spike?  Should the children’s mother say “no” to plans to include them in a reality show as a way to protect them from the pitfalls associated with too much exposure to the limelight?

Family Time

Sometimes there is no better feeling than spending some serious quality time with your family.  Today, I committed my time to reading my babygirl’s writing, listening to her little stories and helping her set up her own blog.  She was over the moon at the idea of having her own “dot com” and the notion of people being able to actually read her thoughts.  Because she comes from creative stock, I must admit that I am equally as excited to read her fanciful ideas and daily posts.  The girl is definitely a chip off the old block…or more specifically, a young duplicate of the more mature original.

Irrelevant Celebrities With Inflated Egos Shouldn’t Throw Insults

Even though I sometimes think it, I’ve been very good in the past few years not to say things like, “what are they doing together” or “why in the world is she with that hobgoblin!?” when it seems that a relationship compatibility imbalance may be afoot between a newly revealed couple that look more like a shopper and a deliveryman than a new girlfriend and boyfriend.  Such was the case last year when I began seeing Christina Milian and The Nightmare Dream gallivanting all over God’s creation.  Whether they were pool side, vaca’ing or meandering hand in hand in the city with shopping bags in tow, no one could deny that the two were an item, albeit the proverbial odd couple.

Their burgeoning romance resulted in what many termed a quickie wedding, followed by news that the newlyweds were expecting.  Although I again was left to scratch my head and wonder how anyone thought this union was a good idea, I ultimately put on my “live and let live” hat and kept it moving.

Well, fast forward to this latest bit of news that The Dream was caught in a compromising position with a woman not his wife, his petition for divorce, and Christina’s allegations that he cheated on her while she was pregnant with their daughter and it would seem that my concerns may not have been so unfounded after all.  But although many like me can sit behind a computer or in the comfort of our own homes and say things like “I knew it” and “I told you so” about the staus of Dreamstina, we have to realize that they both are still real people with real feelings in a really messed up situation. 

Apparently however, radio personality and former DJ Funkmaster Flex didn’t get that memo.  He instead took to The Twitter (for reason’s only God knows) to weigh in on The Dream/Christina situation:

“Christina Milian is finished out here….Dream just wrapped you up.”

Huh?  Are The Dream and Flex friends?  Do they braid each other’s back hair and tell tales of loves lost and jump-offs found?  I mean, why else would he take to such a public forum to deliver two cents from his change purse that no one asked him for? What’s funny is that when Christina discovered Flex’s reckless behavior on twitter and addressed him about it, his tweets began to sound less lion and more lamb:

“I was jokin. I will give you a break. wasn’t personal.  ps i don’t agree with what the dream did. love to your little one.”

The irony in all of this is that he’d classify another musician as “finished” (and not because she is without talent, but because her spouse allegedly cheated).  Um, yeah.  Hey pot, when is the last time you put out an album? Starred in a movie? Modeled anything?  I guess the reality of knowing that “The Tunnel” days are long over and that no one is checking for him anymore made Flex jump at the opportunity to be relevant again; even if his “joking” opinion further relegated him to pariah status.

The Apology That Wasn’t

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There’s not much more I can (or even want to) say about the whole Sherrod Firegate – Reinstate Situation.  I couldn’t even blog about it this week for all the calls, emails and casual conversations I’ve engaged in about the topic.

 I think that we can all agree that due to the devious nature and malicious intentions of a few, there were many who sought to crucify Shirley Sherrod based primarily upon contextual misrepresentation of words presented in a speech she made back in 2009.  But even as her decriers were excusing their rash judgment of her due to being duped, misled and snookered by conservative web blogger Andrew Breitbart and his Tea Party Agenda, another conservative was extending the olive branch, blaming Obama and issuing the type of heartfelt apology to Mrs. Sherrod that MLK always dreamed about.  Wait…what?

“Clean Outcha Ears: Ambassador Say Relax!”

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The nerd in me who loves the history of civilizations and battle scenario probabilities and the dormant tomboy in me who enjoys a bit of strategic warfare and temporary global domination was over the moon when my honey and I watched “Deadliest Warrior” on Spike TV the other night.  The carnage that the Mongol and Comanche combatants left in their wake had us both simply glued to the tube.  But it was the West Indian heritage in us that usurped our geek-fest ,  leaving us throwing all sorts of shade and side-eyes at our tv screen.

During a commercial break, one of the most hysterically entertaining but ludicrously crafted Red Stripe commercials to date made its television debut.  In true diplomatic fashion, “The Ambassador” requested that we all take a moment to “relax” before breaking into an erratic musical number.  Embodying the capricious spirit of “Frankie Goes to Hollywood” only funkier, the commercial quickly turned into a full-fledged music video hailing libations.

The Pros:  Well, The Ambassador as a one man band was quite amusing, his singing was painfully uproarious, his resurrected butterfly and bogo dance moves still had dirt on them from the grave site he dug them out from and the stank-faces he made as he played his fake bass and guitar were simply classic!

The Cons: Revisited moves notwithstanding, the choreography was a mess times ten, especially The Ambassador’s introductory prayer hands.  And as much as I loved the quirky idea to carry the subtle 80’s themed nuances like the white gloves and the laser beams from both the original song and video into this undertaking, the laser shots he fired from his eye had us begging for the absurdity to be over.

Hey don’t get me wrong, both me and my honey have appointments to get our busted guts replaced next Tuesday with all the laughing we did, but come on!  Even by Red Stripe standards, this commercial was over the top.  And the kick in the head, you ask?  This boondoggle was actually produced by Stephen Marley.  Yes, one of Bob and Rita’s children!!  Dude, you are a Marley; son of an icon! Don’t you know that participating in foolery such as this can get your legend-by-association status revoked?

Now, the reality is that I’ve always been a fan of Red Stripes’ eccentric marketing strategy but goodness gracious…when the advertising department approached Frankie Goes To Hollywood about remaking their song, I wish they would’ve told ‘em to relax, don’t do it!

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Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Not Lovin’ It!

Dear McDonald’s,

Pretty please stop generalizing black folks into these attitudinal and sassy beings you place in your commercials to peddle your foodstuffs.  I’m not even talking about how you regularly and subliminally market your reasonably priced but questionably healthy wares to diners on a budget (no, that conversation is definitely for another post), but instead how you always make the brown people seem so overly animated and eager to be partaking in your fine cuisine.

Now, I’m not saying that my sisters and brothers shouldn’t be represented in your advertisements, but what I am saying is that unless you intend to air your newest commercial praising the delectable goodness of your new fruit smoothies on networks other than BET (the only place I’ve seen it to date), you are simply wasting its poetic feistiness.  What? Don’t quite think the sweet reflections of “Soliloquy” over a funky violin or two would appeal to the Fox News crowd?  Well, with the “hit” that was your Chicken Selects commercial when those fattening tasty treats debuted six years ago, I suppose not (Three words to jog your memory: You. Better. Don’t.).

Nonetheless, please consider my request to stop “blackening” your commercials in an effort to cater to the “us” you seem to thing that we are.  We enjoy our smoothies after a brisk morning walk just like the next person.  We like our fast food chicken strips and dipping sauces not at the club, but at a table, with napkins and plastic-ware the same as everyone else.  In all of your dealings with us, I’m surprised you haven’t learned this yet, but you’ll find that black people are funny that way. We can be carefree and whimsical, but also distinct, multi-dimensional and insightful.  And you know what McDonald’s?  It is okay to let other people know that about us; the secret’s been out for a while.

Best Regards,

~Tiff

P.S.  Incidentally, your Wild Berry Smoothie is blissfully decadent.  I picked one up on the way to work this morning after my before-dawn power walk with my neighbor Betsy Anne.

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Aaaahooo!!

Although I had planned for tonight to be a wholesome Family Movie Night, The Red Box selection that conveniently made its way into The Pack Household this evening was “The Wolfman.” Now don’t get me wrong, I loves me some Benecio Del Toro, but the idea of some flinching, screaming and scaredy children at the transformation of this beautiful man into a ghastly beast is just not my idea of a good time.

The worst part of it all is that I’ve warned these hardheads that “The Wolfman” is not a chicken-friendly flick, yet they insist on wanting to watch. Hmph! I guarantee you that by half past three, my bedroom will be the sanctuary for a bunch of fretful, cowardly adolescents.

*Guess I’d better go ahead and pull out the night lights!*

Mission Palin 2012: Abort! Abort!

Let me first begin by saying that the ever elusive and mischievous little gremlin living in my house, who I’m convinced has stolen my remote control (as I’ve not been able to find it for the better part of three months now) must have turned my television to Faux News while I wasn’t looking, since I have no other feasible explanation as to why The O’Reilly Factor made such an unwelcome intrusion into my normally serene abode last week.  But it wasn’t Billy Boy’s usually grating existence that rendered me speechless and caused my total system failure, but instead his position on Sarah Palin’s political views.  After my honey splashed a pitcher of water in my face, and I picked myself up from off the floor (not really, but my awareness was tantamount to this experience), I came to the startling realization that I might actually be in agreement with the pompous politico.

Granted, while the jury is still out on which of these characters falls into the “lesser” category of the two evils, I have to say that I find Mrs. Palin to be a more dangerous political presence in America as of late, because she is content with her blissfully ignorant platform and promotes the kind of uninformed and malevolent philosophy that is primarily fallacious, wholly misguided and is simply stupefying to anyone with even remotely functioning cognitive abilities.  This could not be any more evident than in Sarah’s interview on the O’Reilly Factor last week where her un(under)developed views on Immigration Law and Reform highlighted her continually deficient knowledge on political subject matter.  Not surprisingly, it’s been Palin’s unwavering position that her cluelessness makes her “authentic” in the eyes of her base supporters however, that is not only embarrassing to a party that nurtured and emboldened her presidential aspirations but also to women in politics (heck, women in general) who are doctrinally savvy in the ways of government and are looked at (in many instances by misogynist pundits like O’Reilly) as inferior thinkers and strategists.

This whole exchange has to make you wonder though; has the Republican Party shied away from Caribou Barbie and her special brand of frozen tundra foolery? Just think, when in 2008 it was revealed that she was not the most knowledgeable Vice-Presidential candidate in the now infamous Katie Couric interview, The Right was all up in arms about liberal media spin, and Palin being painted as kind of daft as a way to undermine the McCain-Palin ticket.  Has Bill O’Reilly since been given the green light to seek and destroy because it is now painfully obvious that palm piloting, gimmicks and other miscues from the half-term governor will only strengthen the Democrats’ position in 2012 should Palin somehow squeak through the Primaries and become the party’s candidate of choice?

And if Sarah Sawed-Off can’t (won’t…again, to me she comes off as totally unstudied and unprepared here) hold her own against a blowhard that we all know goes for the jugular, how in the world does she expect anyone to believe that she can go toe to toe with a more versed political adversary, or lead a nation that regardless of what she or her Tea Party friends believe, is far from homogenous or perfect “as is”?  If you ask me, I believe this interview played out just as “the powers that be” designed it.  This was a subtle (maybe even “not  so” subtle as I was able to see right through it) attempt to weed Palin out of all presidential conversations come 2012, by exposing her as an ignoramus to the conservatives by a conservative. 

Hey, it could be just me, but I highly doubt it. Take a gander at Bill and Sarah squaring off for yourself and then I’m sure you will concede that:

1)      She is one of the most ridiculous politicians that has ever lived.

2)      My nine-year-old has a better grasp of Immigration Reform Initiatives.

3)      Although he led her with every question that he asked (re: lifeline), O’Reilly makes such short work of her shortsighted “taking-America-back” views  and “stump rhetoric” that you can’t help but think that her people have set her up for failure. Again.

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