Tag Archives: WDDTA?

iCan’t Today.

21 Nov

Well folks, like a simp I’ve once again taken work home over the weekend and am also working through my day off.


Somebody agree in prayer with me that a long lost, obscenely wealthy great aunt or uncle shows up in my life and decides they want to adopt me!

Jesus be a benefactor!


Babychild Chronicles: So Mom, How Do I Look?

24 Sep

At the risk of incriminating myself as a mildly negligent parent, here is another tale of when The Babychild gets out of my sight for more than two minutes.

As is usually my Saturday ritual, I found myself hauling in and putting away the groceries after an arduous couple of hours at the market.  While sorting my perishables, cans, boxes and spices, I was making some pretty good headway until my honey came into the kitchen with a smirk on his face, holding The Babychild’s hand.  Confused, I looked at him, awaiting an explanation.

“Look at his face,” he snorted.

Finally seeing the nicks, scratches and scrapes, I gasped and asked what in the world had happened to my child.

“I caught him in the bathroom shaving, Tiff!” my honey replied incredulously.

Examining his face more closely, sure enough he looked as though he’d gone 5 rounds with a Bic® and lost.  Of course, The Babychild’s initial concern was not where I’d place the Band-Aids, but instead if he was going to get a spanking or not.  After clarifying to him that three “owies” above his upper lip were punishment enough, he seemed to relax a bit.  Still, I had to know what would possess him to not only mutilate his cherub face so, but how in the world he even got access to a razor in the first place.

“Mom, I climbed on dad’s sink to get the shaver for my beard.”

Letting his dad explain to him that shaving was only for adults and going into our room and climbing on our bathroom vanity again would result in a butt-whooping, The Babychild seemed to finally grasp the reality of his situation.

“Oh no! Mom-ma, do you think my friends at school will laugh when they see my face?”

Toddler Vanity.

Boys Will Be Boys

29 Jul

Question:  What child eagerly bounces out of the house for a neighbor’s birthday party yet returns home 3 hours later with a busted forehead and a knot the size of a robin’s egg?

Answer:  The Big Boy

After the fun, festivities, cake, presents, piñatas, and so much candy and confections that I will be hand-delivering to my neighbors an invoice from the family dentist, my nephew walked through the front door, escorting my oldest son, who’s head was cocked all the way back.  When I asked them what was the matter, The Big Boy leaned forward and revealed a rather leaky injury.  Looking angrily from one boy to the other, my nephew finally raised his head skyward and told me to ask The Big Boy what happened.

“I bumped my head on a wall…” he said nonchalantly.

“…Diving for a balloon, TeeTee!” my nephew finished incredulously.

Apparently, to avoid remaining in “the middle”, my little monkey propelled himself and to tried to retrieve the key to his oppression.  Unfortunately, a wily living room wall snuck up on him and assaulted his forehead.  So thanks to my child’s daredevil antics, not only does his forehead require two stitches, but I will have to expedite shipping for his daily wear head gear.  Naw, I’m just kidding about the helmet, but I am seriously considering investing in a boy-sized protective bubble!

Shame on The Casey Anthony Jury Pool…and Photo Shop!

5 Jul

If you know me, then you definitely know how I feel about today’s Casey Anthony verdict, but still…iCannot.com with this picture!

Didn’t take yall long, did it?


Grown Woman Fail: My Future Began More Gross Than Bright!

11 Jan

So, do you all remember two Saturdays ago when I was boasting about my New Year’s purchase, and again this past Wednesday when I mentioned my 24-hour symptoms?  Well, it seems that the two instances were inextricably connected!  Apparently, in my eagerness to acquire a new pair of sunglasses in preparation for my 2011 total global dominance awesomeness, I was saddled with a stylish but tainted pair of shades that would prove to render me utterly cyclopic for a day and a half.

Out on an unseasonably warm first day of 2011 with the honey, we did lunch (pre-fast) and in the process, I snuck in a bit of shopping.  Swinging by my favor department store’s sunglasses rack, it took me all of ten minutes to select and don the absolutely perfect pair of eyewear that epitomized the poise, sophistication and hint of swagger I wanted to represent in the New Year.  Unfortunately, what I ended up purchasing was a virtual breeding ground for ocular pathogens that no hygienic grown person should still be susceptible to in the 21st century.  Waking up the next morning, I was greeted with the sort of infirmity that would make even the most faithful “in sickness and in health” vow making husband look for an escape clause.  Not quite sure of what could have triggered his “what the…” face and hasty recoil after leaning in for my morning kiss, I quickly skittered to the bathroom to discover a wilted right eye that made me a dead ringer for Quasimodo!

After a quick warm water flush and the application of a washcloth, I began my investigation into how in the world I ended up with pink eye.  First checking on the kids to ensure I hadn’t gotten it from them, I then began jogging my memory to determine why this crusty-eyed plague had descended upon my house.  It wasn’t until after I confirmed my doctor’s appointment that it dawned on me that the only time my eyes received any out of the ordinary exposure was when I’d worn the devil’s optical instruments my new glasses.  Beyond enraged, I began searching my purse and wallet for my purchase receipt, totally prepared to return the offending accessories, with a side of customer service reaming out for good measure.  One call and thirty minutes later, my eye was still pink but I did have the apology and assurance of the store manager that my money would be refunded to me and that I could choose another pair of glasses at no additional cost (yeah…no).

Now leery about trying on anything not already shrink-wrapped or custom made thanks to the nastiness of my fellow man, my year has commenced with me disinfecting just about everything that I’ve purchased.  Sheesh, it looks like yet again, I’m in for one heck of an eventful year, huh?


How to Ruin Thanksgiving Leftovers

29 Nov

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Although videos like the one above have always deterred me from trying to deep fry my annual Thanksgiving entrée, this year we did successfully golden brown our bird, and didn’t even set our backyard landscaping or home ablaze to do so.

In this case however, these fine folks likely never even got around to the Thanksgiving Day meal, much less the Turkey Salad, Turkey Soup or Turkey & Swiss on Wheat leftovers thanks to their deep fried idiocy!  Check it out.

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