So…Girls Really Do Rule The World?!

A part of me recognizes the thinly veiled sexism.

…Another part, the potential for empowerment.

…Yet another, the crude attempt at humor.

Realistically though, while it certainly should not be seen as a women’s only value, her V(irtue) ought to be something powerful; something she herself recognizes as sacred and worth not bequeathing to just anyone.

Humph! But who needs feminist musings or moral reflection when we have a 60-second advertisement designed to peddle the key to lasting world peace and an end to the battle of the sexes…all in the form of fragrant cleansers and wet-ones?

SMH.

Man Child, You Can Get It Too!

While in my daily walk, I aim for modesty; choosing instead to let my actions speak for me, I did admittedly tout to you all my beasty prowess when it came to Words with Friends (aka Scrabble on Steroids, per our previous discussion).

Well apparently, my nephew (The Man Child) did not heed my warnings.  After proclaiming that he could whoop me and calling me out with his puberty-affected tenor voice, I had to put the no holds barred beat down on him, and rightfully set him in his place.

Suffice it to say, after I hit The Man Child with a few strategic moves, he was left with no other alternative than to throw the iPad on my bed, shut off all the lights and slam the door.

Looks like someone will be getting Anger Management CDs, a Thesaurus and a “Scrabble for Dummies” manual for Christmas!

P.S. The username’s Tiff Fanny Pack for anyone feeling experimental! 🙂

Boys Will Be Boys

Question:  What child eagerly bounces out of the house for a neighbor’s birthday party yet returns home 3 hours later with a busted forehead and a knot the size of a robin’s egg?

Answer:  The Big Boy

After the fun, festivities, cake, presents, piñatas, and so much candy and confections that I will be hand-delivering to my neighbors an invoice from the family dentist, my nephew walked through the front door, escorting my oldest son, who’s head was cocked all the way back.  When I asked them what was the matter, The Big Boy leaned forward and revealed a rather leaky injury.  Looking angrily from one boy to the other, my nephew finally raised his head skyward and told me to ask The Big Boy what happened.

“I bumped my head on a wall…” he said nonchalantly.

“…Diving for a balloon, TeeTee!” my nephew finished incredulously.

Apparently, to avoid remaining in “the middle”, my little monkey propelled himself and to tried to retrieve the key to his oppression.  Unfortunately, a wily living room wall snuck up on him and assaulted his forehead.  So thanks to my child’s daredevil antics, not only does his forehead require two stitches, but I will have to expedite shipping for his daily wear head gear.  Naw, I’m just kidding about the helmet, but I am seriously considering investing in a boy-sized protective bubble!

I’ve Never Supported the Notion of a Woman Simply Being Seen & Not Heard…Until Now!

While I don’t necessarily find her sound “rousing” no, I’m not talking about Keri Hilson’s singing.  What I am talking about however, is her recent “I-really-should-be-utilizing-the-services-of-my-publicist” twitter moment.

Often characterized as a sensual and empowered entertainer, “Miss Keri Baby” earned the labels cruel, insensitive and rude when she posted a tweet about the late Amy Winehouse that rubbed many of her fans the wrong way over the weekend.

While out partying in New York, the singer came across a young woman who was so eerily done up (in Hilson’s opinion) that she had to speak (and twitpic) about it:

“*gasp* Amy Winehouse resurrected to party w/ me!!! (seriously, uncanny resemblance)”

But after the maelstrom of reproach and censure ensued, Hilson tried to make amends with a few clean-up tweets.  Unfortunately to me many, her apology seemed more defensive than contrite:

“Come on, I mean no harm. All due respect. But really the resemblance freaked me out. This was simply the best tribute ever. #RIPAMYWINEHOUSE”

And then:

“Bedtime. I apologize 2 anyone who might’ve taken it the wrong way. As a fan, I thought it was cool that she dressed up to honor Amy.  I had no ill intent, but I understand how it appears insensitive…my bad twitterville. For real. Good night :)”

Now in reality, I am sure that most reasonable people understood that although a piss poor attempt at humor, Keri Hilson didn’t mean to be so uncouth, and that after she realized her gaffe, she likely cringed at her tactlessness.  Honestly though, for Keri to imply that some people might have taken what she tweeted the wrong way as opposed to simply acknowledging her own faux pas, it made her regret seem quite disingenuous.

Maybe as the ultimate act of contrition, it’s not too late for her to take a page from her collaborating buddy Chris Brown and delete her twitter account altogether (or release an apology video in a horrendous vermillion button down shirt).

Emotionally Drained

It is seldom that I come across a picture from the web that so accurately depicts what I am feeling, but this one does exactly that…it’s been that sort of a week for me this far, and it’s only Tuesday.

Perhaps once I’ve had the chance to reassess, reevaluate and fully decompress, I will be able to share my source of discomfiture with you guys, but in the meantime, simply take this opportunity to chat amongst yourselves or key in a subject in the search bar and just leisurely peruse The Pack (oh come on, I do this a couple of times a year; you all know the drill).

Night night!

I Wish I Had A Twin!

 

This might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen on the internet and the best use of Nintendo Wii’s “Just Dance II” for the toddler demographic.

This vid just goes to show that Andre 3000 is ever the crossover artist, and that the kid on the right has the meanest hip swivel since Shakira’s Whenever Wherever video!

Thank you interwebs for this viral gem amid all the heaviness that this weekend has had to offer.

Football Please!?!?!

Roger Goodell, DeMaurice Smith, thirsty owners and opportunistic players, lend me your ear!  I can appreciate you all agreeing to come to the table like adults to find common ground (I’m looking at you U.S. Senate and the would-be Deficit Reduction Committee), but really? 132 days into this God-forsaken NFL lockout, and not one of you is concerned enough about my tickets, watch parties and unconscionable Beltway Rivalry (I “put on” for the Ravens and Skins….don’t judge me) to forgo “constructive conversation” and come to an agreement already!?

Sure, sure, I understand the need for both parties  to come to terms on a collective bargaining agreement and for the players who will be sacrificing their bodies and health to fill their bosses coffers for the next ten years to be prudent and thorough in reading and comprehending said CBA, but c’mon!  This dispute is between some billionaire owners and millionaire players.  Thousandaire fans like myself Cannot. Relate.

Besides, with my favorite teams (well one of them) needing all the pre-season help they can get and me waiting with baited breath to fashion my 2011 – 2012 Fantasy Team, this lockout, hold out, gobbledegoop needs to end post haste!  Trust me, there is only so much Professional Bowling as an alternative that I can take!

 

Messy Celebs, Sloppy Seconds & Why The World Is Too Darn Small!

Lawd, it’s like a ride at Disney World!

I think this story is a prime example of what we all have come to learn about the celebrity drivel that we are inundated with from day to day; it can be so outlandishly preposterous that sometimes we find that tabloids and gossip columnist aren’t even creative enough to make it all up.  Just ask Charlie Sheen.

Heck, ask Elin Nordegren.

In probably the worst and most twisted adaptation of Wife Swap known to man, the raunchy kissing and telling from Tiger Wood’s ex-mistress (yet again) has led to the further embarrassment and devastation of his ex-wife.  After being caught up in the media whirlwind surrounding her husband’s philandering with a multitude of “virtuously vacant” women, many cheered when Elin filed for divorce, got her $100 Million settlement and jet-setted off quietly into the night.  Unfortunately for Elin, moving on with her life and with a new beau has come at an even higher price.

Apparently weeks into her new relationship with billionaire marketing exec boyfriend Jamie Dingman, Elin learned that her filthy rich financier was just plain filthy and had a bit of a history with her nemesis, Rachel Uchitel aka The Mistress Ringleader who starred in last year’s Tiger Wood’s scandal.  The creepy Twilight Zone history in question was that Dingman and Uchitel had a liaison or two (or ten) before his relationship with Elin, and likely around the same time Uchitel was canoodling with Elin’s then husband, El Tigre.

But while we are hissing and booing at Uchitel on one hand for shamelessly helping to ruin a marriage while making her hootchie-mama ways profitable (tabloid features, Celebrity Rehab and that little $10 Million hush money from Tiger), and being embarrassed for Elin on the other, at the nasty discovery that she’s fostered relationships with the same two (count ‘em, two) men as the most popular home-wrecker in America, there is only so much sympathy that I can offer her.

I mean, really.  After the whole Tiger debacle and the very public collapse of her marriage, there is no way in the world Elin should have gone into any new relationship without first having a background check, credit report and an oral swab performed.  It’s not like she couldn’t have afforded to have even had a DoD clearance screening done if she’d wanted.  She should have had a “Fool Me Once” bumper sticker on her Maybach and a “Man Eater” tattoo on her bicep.  There is nothing about Jamie Dingman that should have caught Elin unaware, and especially so publicly!

But at the end of the day, I suppose the old adage still holds true.  No matter how much money Elin has, she’s clearly been unable to purchase love with it.  Perhaps after the smoke clears from this latest humiliation however, she will settle for buying several deluxe cans of whoop @&# instead, because obviously there are a few folks in her life who could benefit from such a generous gift!

Fanny Pack Listening Party: Fool for You

 

As much as I love music, I cannot believe that I am just now introducing my listening party posts.  I guess in reality it is perhaps because I’ve not been overly moved by popular music as of late; to expend my energy (and my platform) to highlight yet another factory assembled, cookie cutter artist and his or her homogenous song.

But clearly such is not (nor has never been) the case when talking about Goodie-Mob-rapper-turned-soloist-turned-Gnarls-Barkley-front-man-turned-soloist again, Cee-lo Green.  Whether you are like me and can clearly recall tales of Cee-lo riding around in his Acura Legend(ary), calling out self-proclaimed G-O-Ds, or whether you are just now boarding this crazy train and have only recently been introduced to the pint sized dynamo thanks to his Unrequited Lovers anthem  Forget You, know that Green is the sort of artist that offers listeners his heart and soul and a pinch of funk with every rasp, falsetto and vibrato that he sings.

Stirring in some Melanie Fiona to his flavorful, musical gumbo, Cee-lo’s latest single from his Lady Killer’s album, “Fool For You” accurately depicts the feeling that we’ve all experienced at one time or another when that special someone had our heart on our sleeve, body on cloud nine and our nose wide open.  Its retro sound, lyrical flair and instrumental infusions makes “Fool For You” every bit a sultry R&B instant classic, well worth a listening party Fanny Pack feature.  Enjoy.

Words With Hubby

I was all prepared to draft a blog post highlighting my discontent with Netflix, my assessment of Serena’s Espy mini-dress and my complete and utter elation as a result of the midnight release of “The Deathly Hallows: Part II”, but then my honey had the nerve to go and challenge me to a game of Words With Friends, also known in The Pack Household as “Scrabble on Steroids!!!”

So, now that I am up by 38 points and just dropped a triple-word-score worthy “malevolent” on this trash talking man, I am going to go ahead and strategically utilize all my tiles so that there is no mistaking who is the superior wordsmith in this here abode!!