Assault With A Deadly Sedan

22 Oct


It isn’t a true Saturday in The Pack Household unless some manner of sports competition is set to take place, five to seven loads of laundry are needing to be washed, morning cartoons are blasting from no less than three televisions at one time, and my attempt to sleep in promptly ends at 9 a.m.

Waking up this morning and realizing that not all of these criterion had been met, I began to wonder to myself what day it actually was. But before I could marinate on it too long, The Big Girl bursted hysterically into my bedroom.

Mommy! Daddy hit a squirrel!!!

It hadn’t dawned on me that my daughter and honey had even left the house this morning, so I asked her to slow down and explain to me exactly what transpired that lead up to the alleged murder of one of our local woodland creatures.

We were coming home from basketball practice, and he was driving and he rolled right over the squirrel that was crossing the street! He didn’t even slow down!!!

*Blinks Rapidly*

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am always a little bothered to see once energetic and elusive animals dotting the medians and sides of the road after having done battle and lost against five ton, swiftly moving machinery, but having had my vehicle completely totaled by a suicidal deer in the wee hours of the morning on the interstate a few years back, if there is a choice to be made between hitting an offending animal, or wrecking my car (and potentially maiming or killing myself trying to avoid it), sadly, I’d have to opt for the road kill. Still, as upset as The Big Girl was, I couldn’t simply flip my hand and utter “C’est la vie”.

Moments after sharing her harrowing tail, my Honey came into the room and proceeded to take off his hoodie and sneakers. As he sat down at the foot of the bed, I asked him about their morning workout and the events that led up to the squirrel.

Honey, I can’t believe you hit a squirrel, what happened!?!?

Clearly, I should have known from his incredulous look, that this matter had already been thoroughly addressed between he and The Big Girl, and that I was just fanning the somewhat already cooled embers back to life.

Yep! As a matter of fact, I chased it up a tree, caught it, tied it down in the middle of the road, then hopped back in my car and ran it over. Oh yeah, I didn’t pull off until his tail stopped twitching!

In my defense, the only reason I busted out into an uncontrollable wave of giggles was because his answer was SO unexpected, and the look on The Big Girl’s face was one of horror and mirth at the same time.

Yes, it is indeed Saturday!


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