Buffoon of the Week: How NOT to Be a Burglar

2 Jun

So, I haven’t crowned a BOTW in a while, but boy…if this guy doesn’t deserve the title!!!

I really don’t think there is or will ever be an appropriate enough explanation to detail what exactly was going through this man’s mind (let’s call him Jasper) to make him think that he’d prevail in his clumsy and careening pilfering of his local purveyor of spirits.

And again, while I already know that the answers to any questions on the matter will be a resounding “c’mon, he’s the captain of the idiot brigade” inquiring minds just have to know:

What part of stealth doesn’t Jasper understand?

Aren’t the uses of shopping carts reserved for paying customers?

Why in the world would Jasper break into a liquor store, when it’s clear he was already drunk?

At what point did he realize his breaking and entering scheme wasn’t going to pay off; before or after he fell 15 feet, a third time?

You think Jasper might need the number to my chiropractor?


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