When Chicken(heads) Come Home To Roost

5 Apr

For as much of a writer and storyteller as I profess to be, I must honestly admit that I can do this tale no justice; still I will try my best to convey the pure hilarity of the situation.  And for those of you who know my honey personally, please have him tell you this little anecdote when next you seem him.

So, the other night, after what seemed like weeks of phone tag, my honey attempted once again to call his sister.  Apparently that afternoon she had blasted him in a message about not returning her calls, so when he was forced to leave her a message after being prompted by her voicemail, he responded to her earlier lambasting in kind.  The next morning as he was leaving the house for work, he tried to call her once again, but was forwarded to her voicemail.  Feeling a foreign sensation of contriteness at his brusque words the night before, he apologized, told her he loved her and to call him when she got a chance.

Later that morning, my office receptionist patched my honey through to my business line (which I found incredibly odd, seeing as how he usually reached me on my cellphone when I am at work) and before I could properly greet him, the dude went berserk!  Trying to follow his disjointed sentences and biting tirade, I asked that he start from the beginning and let me know what had gotten him so incensed.

He said that shortly after returning his sister’s call, her number popped back up on his cellphone display screen, but when he went to answer it, it became all too obvious that he was not speaking to his sister:

Woman:  You need to stop f’ing calling my number!

My Honey: Excuse me? No, excuse you!?

Woman: You heard me. You have been calling the wrong number continually and you f’ing got me in trouble with my husband!

My Honey: Well I sincerely apologize for calling the wrong number but you might want to reconsider how you are speaking to me on this phone. Trust me lady, you don’t know me.

Woman: Yeah whatever, I just want to make sure you don’t…

Man: …Yeah, who is this?

My Honey:  Who is this?

Man:  This is the man whose wife you been f’ing calling all week.

My Honey: And like I explained to your wife, I have been calling her number in error, thinking she was someone else.

Man: Well, I think you better get your information straight and lose this f’ing number.

My Honey: Look man, you caught me in a good mood this morning, so I am not going to cuss you out like you deserve for talking to me all reckless as if I am some simp. What I will do however, is impart some words of wisdom, because it sounds like you could really use them.  Instead of you trying to be Billy Bad @$$ over the phone with someone who called your wife and had the wrong number, you might want to expend that same energy to find the dude who is calling your wife and clearly has the right number!

Click!

Obviously, my boss was out of the office that day, because I should have totally gotten fired for how hysterically I laughed at that exchange!

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