You Probably Think This Post Is About You Too, Huh Lindsay? Well It Is!

10 Mar

I think that this foreign but tingley feeling that has overcome me this evening is sympathy for the actress formerly known as Lindsay Lohan. Long gone are the wholesome days of “The Parent Trap” twins and the cute but impressionable not so “Mean Girl” Cady Heron.

Instead, left behind is a self-destructive and self-absorbed young woman who thinks that it’s all about her. Whether she is strung out, checking-in or walking out of rehab, roaming the streets as a publicly drunk hot mess or tearing up her luxury vehicles with the aid of a curb, Lindsay seems to relish the fact that so long as people are talking about her, she is somehow still relevant.

This apparently was her thought process yesterday when she had her attorney file a $100 Million lawsuit on her behalf against E-Trade for “infringing upon her civil rights.” Now jog your minds if you will, back to Super Bowl Sunday, to that witty little E-Trade commercial where the ever savings-savvy toddler had his girlfriend on video chat and apologized to her for not calling. When she accused him of having set up a “play date” with “milkaholic Lindsay,” the accused, non-to-discretely popped into the picture and whined, “milk-a-what?!”

Well, in all of her narcissistic obtuseness, Li-Lo seems to think that the milkaholic in question was named Lindsay in the commercial as a way in which to parody her life. Her attorney was quoted as saying that “Lindsay deserved the same single name recognition as Oprah or Madonna, and that her name was used for commercial benefit and she was not compensated fairly for that.”

Um, Lindsay dear, I’m sorry to break this to you boo, but 1) E-Trade (and about 92 percent of the population) is not thinking about you or your civil rights and 2) as apple-pie-American as your name sounds, it is not unique or solo-moniker worthy. There are about 265 million Lindsays globally (give or take a few) and while I am sure they all cringed upon seeing their name associated with a lactose-influenced toddling boyfriend stealer, none of them thought so much of themselves as to believe that the use of their name would warrant a multi-million dollar payday.

Coincidence or not though, if Lindsay didn’t spend so much time getting tore up, down and sideways all the time, then she wouldn’t be worried that someone was (or wasn’t) poking fun at her more-times-than-not inebriated behind.

It is for that reason that I am REALLY going to need Lindsay Lohan, anyone who told her that this commercial was loosely based on her life and her attorney who suggested that this lawsuit was a good idea, to SIT IT ALL THE WAY DOWN, and don’t get up until either Lindsay is sober or she goes back to “work” and stars in a critically acclaimed, bankable movie!!!


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