Archive | 8:41 pm

Hollywood Relationships for $500, Alex.

9 Feb

He’s a Movie Star.  She’s a real estate investor (okay, not the archetypal showbiz match made in Heaven, but in Hollywood you can spin anything right?).  They get married.  They grace the cover of every tabloid magazine when she gives birth to twins.  They smile for the cameras.  They celebrate Christmas in Aspen. He threatens to kill her with a box cutter.  She wants the restraining order lifted so they can “work it out.”  He Someone drives his Mercedes (probably the same one that he backed into the valet in the Hanes Commercial) off a cliff in Sherman Oaks.  They ask for their privacy “during this difficult time.” The makings of a prime Hollywood Box Office Hit, you ask?  Nope, not even the best writers in the business could construct such a fanciful plot.  Unfortunately this is real life.

If you are unfamiliar with the story, Charlie Sheen has been charged with third degree assault, felony menacing and criminal mischief (is that what they call it in The Hills?) stemming from his Scrooge-like assault on Christmas Day last year against his wife Brooke Mueller.  No one is sure what transpired to make the guy behave as if he were in a male version of Snapped!, but according to his wife’s 9-1-1 call, she was scared for her life for over an hour after Sheen pinned her down, held a knife to her throat and whispered these sweet nothings in her ear:

“You better be in fear. If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you. Your mother’s money means nothing, I have ex-police I can hire who know how to get the job done and they won’t leave any trace.”


You’d think that sort of pillow talk would put the fear of Jesus in young Brooke, no?  Well it did…for like 2 seconds.  Like a responsible mother and a woman destined to not become a statistic at the hands of an abusive husband, Brooke did file a restraining order against Sheen, but it was short lived.  I’m not saying that she was persuaded, but once his lawyers had a chance to converse with her lawyers, Charlie’s attorney soon filed a motion to dismiss the mandatory protective order, stating that Brooke and her attorney had advised him that they no longer wanted it in place.

Her attorney then shared with the Associated Press that his client “didn’t realize [her account of the night] would lead to her husband’s arrest…Wives think the cops are [just] going to break something up and they don’t realize the husband is going to be taken to jail.  I will tell you that both parties want to attempt to work this out. Whatever was said and whatever happened, I’m chalking it up as one really bad night.”

Wow. C’mon, that is like telling us that Ike choking-out Tina or putting his fist in her eyes were just a really bad misunderstandings.  I don’t care what you call it, what rhetoric your attorney uses to smooth it over or that you request privacy to sort it out, abuse is abuse.  Now I won’t sit on a high horse and pretend that I’ve ever been a battered wife and know what Brooke Mueller is going through.  But the two things I do know are this:

  1. She owes it to herself and her children not to be deliberately placed in harms way, even if he “only did it this once.”

  2. This happened in December.  With the nature of the alleged crime and charges, this story should be receiving the same (if not more) hype and overt coverage in the media as lets say, what a cheating athlete story that broke wide open in November is getting (I bet Tiger Woods is royally pissed right now that he’s still the most popular tool in the nation…even more so than the ever-toolish Charlie Sheen it would seem).

But I blogged about this story and brought all of this up to take a somber look at these types of Famous Relationships.  It seems that for stars, the norm is “anything goes” in these famous couplings, so long as they have the status and money to make it go away later.  I mean, just look at the O.J. Simpson’s and Robert Blake’s of the world.  When will Tinsel Town Law Enforcement treat domestic violence like the heinous offense that it is, as opposed to being too star-struck to do their jobs?

Just think about it.  He told the mother of his children that he had ex-police he could hire that wouldn’t leave a trace.  The dude is certifiable yall….and two pancakes shy of a short stack!  I really would hate for anything to happen to this woman or her kids because the officials themselves are spending too much time basking in the high profile and celebrity of the case.

…But hey, what do I know? I’m just an easily amused, highly opinionated blogger. 

 Maybe they will all prove me wrong.  Maybe the D.A. will try and convict Sheen. Maybe he will be forced into counseling/rehab and later live well-adjustedly ever after.  And maybe none of that will happen since Brooke is pulling a Jennifer Holiday and it looks like she’s not going anywhere.  I guess at this point, only time will tell.

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